So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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