i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
