some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
where are my eyebrows?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
