I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
We're like a lot better than the average bears
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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