Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
