i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
