Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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