I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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