I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
