the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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