You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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