I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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