can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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