My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
