like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
