I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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