I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
