If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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