Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
