just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
