You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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