Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
