people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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