I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
