you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
