There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
