Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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