I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
