He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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