I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I could make wine with my vomit
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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