You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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