My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
