i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I don't deserve a penis
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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