"it" just moved
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
