I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
mondays should just be called national damage control day
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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