I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
