dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
