Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
