big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
