Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
