Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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