My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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