Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
