How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
