the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
