I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
