I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
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