that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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