ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
