It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
