$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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